But they’ve all left Ormskirk now, so yes, im sinking into another hormonal, bipolar, DEPRESSION.

Well, that’s not entirely true. This has been an amazing year, one of the best of my life, and i’m still holding on to that. Though a part of me thinks that everyone will come back in September. Jacob came round to say goodbye last night. I almost said “See ya next year” before I realised. When Jason left… well… there’s just a part of me that thought he’d always be in Ormskirk, and that i’d still be going round to his, aged 78, to get drunk, trash his house and fall out with Ben.

Next year’s gonna be totally different.

And then that all leads to some huge responsibility that I don’t think i’m ready for just yet. I’ve been a student for the past 15 years of my 20 year existence and now, suddenly, I have to face the real world, which is really fucking scary.

I’ll need to find a house. A job. Make money. Somehow, live.

I’ve always wanted to move to Manchester but I’ll have no money. Media City hasn’t generated nearly the amount of jobs I expected it to. Everyone else on my course seems to have more experience which i’m really struggling to find. Right now I can’t even get a job at poundstretcher. I’m gonna have to really fight to get anywhere.

I’m starting to consider moving down to London. Sure, the house prices are ridiculous but the job opportunities are endless. Everyone’s asking for filmmakers down there. But even then, what do I advertise myself as? Others seem to have an interest in a particular area of film but the only position that’s really grabbed me so far, is director, which is a ridiculous dream. But maybe I should strive for that?

And, this is gonna sound really stupid and cheesy but… how do I make friends? All my friends at the minute i’ve either lived with or met through education. I’ve met a few on nights out but if i’m moving to London I can hardly just go on a night out alone. Who do I live with? I’m sure living alone will be ridiculously expensive, i’m 100% sure I won’t have a boyfriend i’m close enough to move in with in a year and all my close friends already have plans.

I’m just feeling very overwhelmed by it all right now. I know a lot can change in a year but i feel like it’s really gonna have to.

Fingers crossed that the BBC calls me up later telling me they’ve seen ‘Free Will’ and loved it and offer me a job.

But I still have a year till all that, so for now i’m gonna go, be a kid, and listen to AVPM.